Christian and Jew Alike

It was a little over an hour before the wedding and I watched as the photographer took pictures of the bride and her bridal party. She was stunning. Then I went to meet the Rabbi. I knew that each side, the bride's and the groom's families were worried about whether or not their traditions would be honored. I had tried to assure the parents of the bride, who are dear members of my congregation that everything would be fine, but there was still some tension. I was determined to make sure that this was a good experience for Christian attendees and Jewish attendees alike. 

I had done my homework; I sat with the couple to ask what elements of the Jewish tradition were absolutely necessary and to assure the bride that her Lutheran Christian tradition would be honored. I wrote up the order of the service and sent it to the respective players well in advance, including the Rabbi. I made sure that the rabbi understood that I have been the pastor of this family for seven years and I had a relationship that would be ongoing. I don't believe she knew the groom's family as well.

The rabbi and I got along famously we were both 50 year old women that had gone into the ministry as second careers. While I am the full time pastor of a stable congregation who has been ordained for ten years, she is a part-time rabbi who fulfills her vocation through chaplaincy and being commissioned for special ceremonies like this one. She has been ordained for two years and works as a nurse also. As we went through the service she had some assumptions about how things would be done and I reminded her that she had seen the order of service and that would be what we would follow. These were the expectations of the bride and groom and my expectations. She assented.

This ceremony was to combine a Lutheran Christian service with elements that were important in a Jewish wedding. There were three pieces that were important to the couple, the Ketubah, the Kiddush Cup, and the Breaking of the Glass. One of the wishes of the couple, that I was determined to have come true, was that this was not a disjointed service but that it flowed.

I found the Jewish traditions that were lifted up fascinating and meaningful. The explanation of the Ketubah, the Kiddush Cup and the breaking of the glass symbolized very important aspects of the married life. The Ketubah was a beautiful piece of artwork to be displayed in the couple's home, that also served as a sort of marriage contract; both the bride and the groom signed it. The ancient tradition is that this contract is drawn up to protect the finances of the wife. The document, in ancient times, was signed by two witnesses that attested to the fact that the bride and any children would be cared for in the event of the groom's departure. The tradition has since evolved so that it is signed by the couple and the rabbi. One of the promises written on this couple's Ketubah is that the couple would honor each other's family traditions. Drinking from the Kiddush cup sanctifies the celebration and along with the seven blessings the marriage. The breaking of the glass happens at the end of the ceremony and symbolizes, according to some, that the marriage will last as long as the glass is broken.

There were words read from Hebrew text and from Christian scripture. As in many wedding ceremonies 1Corinthians 13 was read. I gave a brief homily that pointed the couple to the words they had heard. Read from the Hebrew text: 'two will become one.' From the Christian scripture they heard the qualities of love; 'patience, kindness.....' I also pointed to the beautiful words of the Ketubah, the promise, 'to honor the family traditions of one another.' I concluded with the pronouncement that this love was indeed 'a gift of God.'

These symbolic pieces along with elements and prayers from the Christian tradition were well received by all of the guest. At the end the rabbi and I pronounced the Aaronic blessing together me in English and her chanting in Hebrew. It was then time for the party.

The rabbi did not stay for the reception she was out as soon as she disrobed and we could both say. "nice working with you." She told me she was on her way to Florida for vacation the next day. I only had to drive back to New Jersey, put final touches on my sermon, lead two services, and make sure my bags were packed for two days of meetings in Chicago.

The second floor of the Palace was the perfect place for a reception; there was one room for a cocktail hour with wonderful hor dourves and for dinner there was another ballroom. Before dinner there was the traditional Jewish blessing of bread done by a family friend and then I was asked to say the grace. I was careful that I did not offend throughout the day and this moment would be no different. It was important for me to pray, but it was also important that no one was excluded from prayer. I thanked God for the occasion, our time together and for the meal, all the while calling on the one God that everyone in the room, Jew and Christian professed.-- the God both bride and groom believe in.

I am sure it was a wonderful occasion -- ceremony and party with music, dancing and fun -- for all, Jewish and Christian alike.